


The Good, the Bad, and the Dirty

by ShinigamiKnox



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alcohol mention-Hux doesn't cope well at times, Anal Sex, Enemies to Lovers to Friends, Hux doesn't know how to admit his feelings, Hux is Not Nice, Kylo accidentally breaks Hux on purpose, Kylux - Freeform, M/M, Minor Character Death, Oral Sex, Past Child Abuse, Pre-TFA, Some Fluff, Some character study mostly for Hux, Some verbal degradation, Somewhat non-con at first, Top Hux, a little blood, bottom kylo, mostly angst, shocker I know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-07-18 11:58:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7314364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinigamiKnox/pseuds/ShinigamiKnox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by a Panic at the Disco song with the same name. Kylo falls hard for Hux. Hux doesn't know how to move on or how to deal with emotions or intimacy.<br/>There's smut eventually, after a lot of plot I didn't expect to write.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Good, the Bad, and the Dirty

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, so I heard the song and it kind of fit pretty well, for this idea anyways. I didn't expect to write 11.5K words. I really, really didn't. There are details that didn't need to be included, but I really wanted to, so I did. There's some nice clothing porn and Kylo with his hair up. Those long, dark locks of his are so tempting to have Hux yank on.  
> This one focuses more on Kylo and Hux's changing relationship before and during the beginning of TFA. As per usual, un-beta'd but I did actually read this one over and look for mistakes. Feel free to point out anymore that you find. I'm having a hard time with using "Hux" and "Ren/Kylo" so many times. I'm sorry if that bothers you.

Kylo Ren was most certainly the _last_ person General Hux should be getting himself mixed up with in any sense of the word. His chaotic nature and unpredictability were complete opposites to Hux’s usual calm and outlined plans. Both men knew that yet the temptation and curiosity won out in the end.

‘This fucker,’ Hux thought bitterly as he spat blood out onto the practice mat. This had been his first mistake, the first temptation. His hate won this first round when he gave in to a sparring match against Ren. His mind argued that this was a dangerous game to play. Sparring could easily turn into his death with one wrong move against this Force user.

At the same time, another part of his mind reminded him that he didn’t need to hold back. He could throw punches like he meant them. It was a somewhat healthy way to get out his aggressions stemming from Ren and the other responsibilities the general held. It was only sparring. That stupid face only encouraged this first sparring match and the many that followed it. Hux wanted nothing more than to see the blood dripping from Ren’s protruding nose, a bruised lip, a black eye. He wanted nothing more than to feel his fist make contact with any part of Ren hard enough to bruise. If that meant he had to get bruises and scrapes in return, then so be it. The pain was also cathartic.

This became a weekly routine, one that Hux wasn’t willing to end. The set-up became more advantageous than detrimental in Hux’s perspective. It became more beneficial to let his anger and hatred out this way than drink it away on his days off.

 

_Truth is that it was always going to end, this symphony buzzing in my head_

 

Of course Ren had to go and shatter this fine balance between them. It was perfect the way it was, simple sparring and stress relief. It was a mutual benefit. Hux had felt more in control of himself and therefore the things around him in this arrangement. So, naturally, Ren had to annihilate any sense of control the general felt.

Something must have happened earlier in the day to make Ren more upset than usual, less in control than usual. That was Hux’s hypothesis. No other reason made sense as to why Ren would use the Force to pin Hux to the floor. Hux’s mind froze instinctively out of fear before he relaxed into his usual sneer. Hux had won, but at what price?

“Then kill me,” Hux ground out under the pressure on his neck. He couldn’t even move his limbs to fight off the invisible Force if he wanted to.

Kylo’s dark eyes cleared and his face was almost regretful. However, he didn’t apologize as the pressure was lifted off of Hux’s body. Hux calmly retrieved his jacket and greatcoat before returning to his room. He managed to wait for his door to close behind him before falling against the closest wall, trembling primarily out of anger and the feeling of impotence. It only infuriated him further when he realized Ren had disrupted the best way Hux could channel those exact feelings.

The next time they were supposed to meet up, Hux had gone straight to his room and Ren returned to using practice equipment.

 

_Took a market of filth and sold like summer_

 

Hux took up sparring Phasma instead. Once again, he seemed outmatched by his opponent, someone who was much broader than he was. Phasma did rely heavily on strength, but not as much as Ren did. She was able to use proper form and footing most of the time and struck in a disciplined manner, something Ren knew close to nothing about. Hux had a much harder time combating her deliberate strikes than he had against Ren’s brute strength. Phasma didn’t let herself be vulnerable nearly as much as Ren had.

Hux didn’t get nearly as much enjoyment from these matches. There was no hate-fueled aggression towards Phasma and while his muscles felt worked by the time he was done, he still felt that underlying frustration brought on by Ren. He wanted to smack that smirk off his youthful face.

 

After several of these sparring sessions, Ren appeared in the hallway with Hux’s greatcoat on his arm. Hux took it from him without a word and began towards his room to shower.

“You’re improving,” Ren said as he fell into step with Hux. “You surprisingly hold your own against her.”

“Thank you,” Hux muttered sarcastically. He couldn’t help it, Ren brought out that side in him and that hatred burned hot just below the surface just at his presence. “The training room is free. It’s unnecessary for you to walk me to my room.”

“Actually, General,” the Knight ground out the title and continued to talk as though it physically pained him to do so, “I want to apologize. For my lack of control.”

“You? Apologize?” Hux found himself scoffing. “Which incident are we talking about? You tend to lose control quite often.”

Hux actually heard him take a deep breath through that mask of his. “You know which incident I am referring to.”

“Say I do, why should I accept the apology of a man who hides behind a mask?” Hux goaded. He imagined he could see the Knight’s anger rolling off of him in waves. He may not have imagined the change in the air around them, as if there was energy sparking between them.

Hux didn’t think he was capable of apologizing again, with or without the mask. However, he felt a slight push of his shoulder into his own room. The dark presence behind him followed him in while reaching for clasps underneath the cowl he wore. By the time he had lifted the mask off his face, the doors to Hux’s room had closed.

Now, Hux could physically see how Ren’s face worked at keeping his expression neutral. “General,” he said curtly and quietly. “I do…apologize for using an unfair advantage.” The corners of his mouth lifted slightly into a smirk, as if he enjoyed remembering how he pinned Hux to the ground, made him powerless. Hux wanted nothing more in that moment than to punch him. He wanted to feel blood instead of see that smirk.

“Did it make you feel strong?” Hux asked as he hung up his greatcoat. He couldn’t keep watching that face without the temptation growing to be too much. He would eventually strike him. “Did it make you feel better to know you can’t lose?”

“No,” Ren murmured quietly.

“Did it upset you that you couldn’t beat me otherwise? You had to rely on the Force to beat me, Lord Ren. _Me_.”

“You’re better at hand-to-hand combat than you give yourself credit for.”

That admission threw Hux for a loop. He was used to being the smaller opponent, relying on being fast and dodging hits for the majority of his life. He always had to be patient and wait for an opening to strike. It frustrated him. But it seemed fitting for his life, victory came to him when he was ambitious, patient, and worked hard for it. Nothing less than perfection for Brendol Hux’s son.

“I certainly don’t need reassurance from you,” Hux nearly spat as he rounded on Kylo. He wasn’t sure which irritated him more; Ren’s sincere tone, or his absolute stubbornness to even apologize.

“Certainly.” Ren lowered his head slightly in a nod. “I merely came to apologize and extend an offer to renew our arrangement.” Ren didn’t meet Hux’s gaze. The ceiling was of sudden interest to him.

Hux stayed silent for a few, long moments. It wasn’t until Ren lowered his deep brown eyes did Hux concede, “I will think about it.”

Ren didn’t wait to be dismissed. Within moments, his mask was replaced and he left the room.

 

_True, all of the good girls act so good, ‘til one of them doesn’t wait their turn_

 

Hux eventually gave in to Kylo’s offer, though not without much consideration. Once again, temptation won over in the end. Hux didn’t have to tell Kylo that if he were to repeat the offense, there would be no third chance.

For this reason, there were scheduled times that were sometimes changed. Hux would be irritated for a short time at Ren because he made him adjust his schedule last minute, but both supposed that was better than Ren losing his fragile control again. Hux began to realize he actually looked forward to these meetings. Then again, why else would he agree to resume this dangerous game?

Hux, once again, felt that short relief that came with being too tired to think about anything other than superficial pain. It felt familiar to be back in time with these steps with Ren despite how easily one of them could misstep. Perhaps that was part of the thrill.

‘Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be delayed in our conference tonight.’ Hux had typed up the quick message on his datapad and sent it to Ren. There had been a malfunction in one of the ship systems and the technicians hadn’t noticed to fix it before any damage was done. The report had already been drafted but Hux wanted to review it before submitting it. He also had the matter of writing up the people who had left their post for some time, allowing the malfunction to get out of hand.

This had been the first time Hux had changed the time they had decided to meet. Ren, apparently, didn’t like being put off for paperwork. At the time they were usually met up, Ren came bursting into Hux’s office in that dramatic way only he could manage.

Instantly the mask came off. Hux didn’t know if it had just become habit for Ren to remove his mask in his presence or if he just didn’t think much of it. Either way, alarms were sounding to him that he was spending too much time with Ren. He reluctantly pushed that thought down.

Ren made his way to the chair across from his desk and sat with his mask in his lap. Hux didn’t say a word. If the Knight wanted to sit there and wait patiently for him, who was he to argue?

“Hux.”

Hux didn’t look up from his datapad. Instead, he held up a finger to keep Ren quiet so he could finish the sentence he was on.

“Hux,” Kylo pressed on. He could feel his anger flare at being ignored. He snapped quickly, holding his hand out to bring the datapad from Hux’s hand to his own with the Force.

“Yes, Ren?” Hux finally acknowledged him in an exasperated tone.

“You’re late.”

“I sent you a message. I have work I have to finish first.”

“Do it after.”

Hux refused to admit to Ren that the only thing he could manage to do before he fell victim to a deep sleep was wash the sweat from his body. He refused to admit weakness.

“I’d rather do it now, if you’ll allow me to.” Hux eyed the datapad in Ren’s hand.

“Come get it then,” Kylo said with a shrug.

“You’re being childish.”

Kylo lowered the datapad to look at the screen. “I could just kill them for you.”

“Lord Ren, do not. Those technicians are useful, killing them would prove to be less beneficial.”

“How long will it take you to finish?” Ren asked as he continued looking at the screen.

“Not much longer. Surely you have something to keep you preoccupied for a short time.”

“I can find something, I suppose.” Kylo tossed the datapad towards Hux. Hux went scrambling for it before it hit the desk, however Kylo had complete control over the datapad until it was firmly in Hux’s hands again.

He remained in the chair and kept his eyes locked on Hux. It wasn’t long before Hux grew annoyed.

“What, Ren?” He looked up at Ren.

“You’re used to people looking at you. Why does it irritate you so much when I do it?”

“Circumstances, Ren. I don’t enjoy being stared down in my own office.”

“Why do you have to be so in control of everything? You have people who would easily be able to finish those reports for you, yet you decide to stay and do it yourself. Why?”

“Because I know how I want them done. Why do you care so much?”

“Curiosity. You’re a very…curious person, General. I get the feeling that there is so much that you’re hiding underneath that thin layer of control.”

“You would be disappointed, Lord Ren.”

“Perhaps. But I doubt it. The things you let off, the strong feelings of hatred and loneliness… No, you’re not a boring person.”

“Do not analyze me.”

Kylo leaned forward in his seat. His mask almost rolled off his lap. “I can’t even begin to analyze you, not without delving deeper into that curious mind of yours.” His gaze burned into Hux’s but he refused to be the first to look away. Hux felt warmer than he was used to. The tension between them was almost palatable. Hux had to remind himself to breathe. It was beginning to feel uncomfortable, as if Ren was trying to see into him, trying to read him.

After a rather shaky breath, Hux rose and announced he could finish the reports later. He excused himself to stop by his room before heading to the training room. Hux couldn’t manage another second with Ren and his stifling presence.

 

_Turn the memory to stone and carve your shoulder, hey holy roller_

 

“It will be beneficial if the general of the _Finalizer_ had training against Force users,” Ren explained as they made their way to an interrogation room.

“And we couldn’t do it somewhere else, why?”

“Why, General, we couldn’t have you thinking you were safe in the comfort of your own room, now could we?”

“Will it be painful?” Hux asked as they entered the room.

“Not at first, no. It may become so. Tell me if you feel as though you’re going to faint.”

Hux glared at him.

“You misunderstand me, General. I’m not insinuating that you’re weak.”

Hux removed his greatcoat and hung it up by the door.

“I’m going to give you information that you must keep from me as if your life depended on it.”

“How?” Hux removed his jacket as well, leaving him in just an undershirt, similar to when they sparred.

“Use memories with strong feelings attached to them. You can try to physically block me out, but that’s not a very efficient technique. Eventually those walls come breaking down and when they do, your mental state tends to shatter with them. It’s usually best to trick someone into following a thread that leads to a strong memory. This tends to emotionally and mentally exhaust a Force-user. This will merely buy you more time,” Ren explained. He didn’t need to remind Hux that capture usually meant death, whether by the hands of the Resistance or the First Order, of which deemed death significantly better than revealing secrets. “I will try to start off painlessly so you get a feel for what the intrusion is like.” Kylo handed him a datapad. It was just a simple word that Hux had to keep from the Knight. After setting the datapad on the floor with his jacket, he stepped up to the set-up in the center of the room. His wrists and ankles were fastened in so he couldn’t move.

“Is this really necessary?” Hux complained.

“It’s more for your safety. It would be a shame if you accidentally hurt yourself.”

Hux rested his head back against the uncomfortable metal. It wasn’t long before he felt a pressure in his head, similar to when Kylo was upset and the air around him became heavy. It wasn’t painful, but Hux was aware. He remembered the feeling of pride he had when he was made a general.

Hux felt the pressure increase to the point of being uncomfortable while he continued to remember his success in his military career. Kylo’s gloved hand slowly raised until it was level with Hux’s shoulders. Palm outstretched, he began digging further into Hux’s mind, digging past the meaningless successes of his co-commander.

Hux combatted with the feeling of hatred towards Ren. It had somewhat diminished since Hux had first met him, but thinking back to the first time he heard about the Master of the Knights of Ren brought that boiling rage back to the surface. His head lifted from the metal so he could look at that mask that he hated so much. His felt his teeth grinding together but that didn’t compare to the pain of having Ren bore into his mind.

He faintly heard Ren chuckle. “Good job,” Kylo praised in a condescending tone. Hux did his best to block out his voice as well as the Force probing his mind. “Hatred is definitely one that will exhaust a person.”

Hux felt Ren abandon that line of thought after witnessing and feeling what Hux felt the first time he saw that mask aboard his ship. This was a different kind of hatred, a bone-deep hatred. Kylo’s curiosity got the better of him and he followed that line of thought. It was personal and intimate, but he couldn’t stop himself. Hux growled as he attempted to pull Kylo away from that particular memory.

His father wasn’t the gentlest of beings. If Hux had done less than perfect, he absolutely made up for it via some sort of punishment. Usually it was a physical punishment of sorts. Occasionally, it was just a simple beating. Other times, it was a waiting game. He would be locked in his room with no food or drink until his father saw fit. It wasn’t these punishments that got to him, it was the years of verbal degradation, told he wasn’t good enough that he would never succeed. Kylo now understood why Hux was so proud of his accomplishments. Each one represented another time Hux could tell his father to fuck off.

Kylo completely removed himself from Hux’s mind. Hux’s head fell back against the metal with a sickening ‘thud.’ Both men were breathing heavily but neither wanted to say a word about what had transpired.

After a few moments, Hux got his breathing under control and raised his head to look at Kylo. “Do you normally give up so easily?”

Kylo raised his hand back towards Hux’s body and began again. He bypassed the proud moments and the hatred for both himself and his father. Instead, he aimed for the vulnerable feeling Hux was giving off. He grabbed ahold of it tightly and refused to be shaken. He felt…loved and happy. Expecting to see part of Hux’s family, he was surprised to see a single young man. He looked to be in his early twenties and Hux thought his smile lit up the entire night sky. He felt safe. He felt protective over this man. It wasn’t anyone Kylo knew but he immediately felt at home with the soft brown eyes of this man.

Kylo felt himself gasp softly but refused to let this go. He liked the feeling. It was warm and friendly, something he hadn’t seen nor felt in years.

Hux was fighting to pull Kylo back but Kylo easily fended him off. The only thing that would remove Kylo would be giving up the word, but Hux refused. Even when that love turned to heartache and loneliness. Kylo felt the loss of Hux’s companion personally. He felt as Hux did. It was too short of a time, he wanted, he needed more time with him. It wasn’t fair! He was the only light in Hux’s dark, lonely sky and now even that star was gone. Hux screamed, he roared, he fought against the restraints. Hux didn’t feel his nails digging into his palms, drawing blood that ran down his palms onto the floor. His entire being was being pulled towards Kylo.

Kylo felt the turmoil in Hux’s mind, but kept going. He dug further through lesser memories before finally giving up. Hux let his head drop onto the metal for the second time that day and began breathing deeply, holding back sobs. His fists unfurled finally and he relaxed against the cool metal.

Kylo, too, took a few moments to collect himself and wipe away the tears on his cheeks. He hadn’t expected to find what he did and he was beginning to regret trespassing on such an intimate memory. He knew the feelings would pass by the time the day was through, but Hux wouldn’t be able to push those emotions away so easily, not when Kylo brought them back to the surface.

Kylo began undoing the restraints and met Hux’s green eyes. He wanted to offer some sort of comfort, but the general’s glare was enough to keep him quiet. Hux didn’t move for a long while. He seemed to be focusing more on his breathing than anything else.

“Were you able..?” Hux’s voice cracked before he got it back under control. “Were you able to retrieve it?”

“No. I don’t believe so.”

“Survival,” Hux murmured softly. All of that for a simple word.

“Are you okay to make it back to your room?”

Hux threw another glare Ren’s way but it lacked the usual venom. Ren took it as an answer anyways and allowed the general to redress alone. Kylo made his way back to his own room to meditate in hopes of shaking the remaining emotional connections. They had crossed a line that Kylo didn’t think they could uncross. He wasn’t sure how to proceed anymore.

 

_Don’t think I’ve ever used a day of my education_

 

It was a few days later before Ren felt comfortable enough to approach the general about something menial. It seemed Hux had recovered from Ren’s intrusion and was back to his usual composed self. Even the marks on his palms had faded to almost non-existent.

There was no way Hux was going to talk about what had happened sober. Ren wasn’t even sure he wanted to be the one Hux talked to about it, but he felt a slight obligation from being the one who had caused the whole thing. He hadn’t really explained things very well before he had jumped into trying to retrieve anything from Hux’s mind.

The situation came together during a gala held on a planet the First Order was attempting to sway. Supreme Leader Snoke wanted General Hux present with Kylo Ren as protection. Neither man could object. So, they went planet-side with plans of bringing this planet under the First Order in a peaceful way.

Their usual garbs would have attracted far too much attention, so both men were expected to appear in formal clothing, which included Kylo losing the mask. To avoid suspicion, they were expected to act civilly towards one another. There could be no fighting amongst them and Kylo wasn’t supposed to let Hux out of his view. Hux hated how fragile and helpless it made him feel, but at the same time, he was shocked at Snoke suggesting any protection at all. Surely the general wasn’t that important, he could easily be replaced. He made sure those below him were exceptionally trained and could adapt quite efficiently in the circumstance of his death.

Hux maintained his formal wear from when he was younger. He hadn’t had any use for the outfit for years but it still fit his lithe frame. Kylo, on the other hand, didn’t have that luxury. Hux was enlisted to help Kylo pick an appropriate outfit when their shuttle landed.

Hux’s outfit consisted a pair of simple black slacks with a red stripe down the side of each pant leg, with a deep red button-down that had a silky texture. Over the shirt, Hux had a tight, black, velvet vest with black buttons down to his navel. He took his careful time knotting the red, black, and white tie around his collar into a bowtie so it lined up perfectly. He didn’t have fitting shoes, so he pulled on his regulation boots and pulled his pant legs over top of the smooth, shined leather. He finally reached into the back of the cupboard to retrieve his black suit jacket with dark red trim that matched perfectly. In the pocket was the handkerchief that had been left from the last time he had worn this suit. He had no trouble folding it neatly and placing it back into his breast pocket. After some consideration, he decided to leave his greatcoat and gloves in his room.

Kylo had his usual robes on when Hux knocked at his door. It took some persuasion, but Hux got Kylo to leave the mask and cowl in his room. It would draw far too much attention, Hux pointed out. So, they made their way to a vender to find Kylo suitable clothing.

Hux quickly discovered Kylo had no sense when it came to formal clothing after realizing that Kylo hadn’t been to an event like this since his teens.

Hux had him strip down to his pants, suspenders, and undershirt. It wasn’t hard to find a pair of simple, black slacks. Hux left the undershirt and suspenders on Kylo. He managed to find a soft, black button-down and a dark red, almost black tie. The shirt definitely accented his waist and arms. He tossed the tie at Kylo, expecting him to tie it while Hux went in search of a black suit jacket.

When Hux did return with a suit jacket, he saw Kylo struggling to even manage a simple knot. Hux waited a moment before helping. He couldn’t help but enjoy the frustrated look Kylo had as he almost strangled himself. Hux stepped in just before Kylo decided to destroy the silk tie. Kylo stared up at the ceiling while Hux lifted his collar and carefully tied an intricate knot then pulled it snugly against Kylo’s shirt collar. He pulled the jacket over Ren’s shoulders while Ren fixed his collar.

“If only we had time to get your hair cut,” Hux gave Ren a distasteful look.

“It’s fine.”

“It’s far from fine. It’s all over the place.”

“Leave it be,” Kylo swatted Hux’s hands away. He used the reflective surface in front of him to pull the majority of his black strands neatly into a clip. There were still shorter strands that fell against his forehead and against his ears, but he pushed those back and secured them with smaller, less visible black clips. Hux had to admit, Kylo cleaned up fairly well.

 

_I know what it’s like to have to trade the ones that you love for the ones you hate_

 

The event was going smoothly shortly after Hux and Kylo arrived. The room was filled with people, but wasn’t uncomfortably packed. Kylo noticed Hux never failed to have an alcoholic drink in his hand. For the most part, he seemed to be holding his liquor well. His speech was impeccable as ever as he forged relationships with the higher classes and government officials. Kylo quickly discovered why the Supreme Leader wanted Hux here instead of some other high ranked official from the First Order. Hux was definitely a smooth-talker when it came to politics.

In addition to being friendly, Hux was familiar with the native tongue and could communicate fairly well, which helped create these relationships. Eventually, Hux managed to find himself in a conversation with the emperor figurehead of the civilization. After talking his way into the emperor’s favor, the man draped in white fabric from the high collar to the cloak just above the floor ended the conversation about politics. He insisted Hux join him the next day to make a deal that would hopefully be mutually beneficial.

When the emperor placed his white glove on Hux’s shoulder and leaned forward, Kylo tensed defensively. Before he could strike or say anything, Hux held his hand up and allowed the emperor to press his lips against either side of Hux’s face without so much of a cringe. Kylo thought he even witnessed a smile from General Hux!

As soon as his back was turned, Hux dropped the façade and wiped at his cheeks. “I’ve always hated that custom,” Hux said as he reached out for yet another alcoholic drink.

“You’ve done all you can for the night,” Kylo pointed out.

“Yes. Now we can attempt to ‘enjoy’ ourselves,” Hux’s face fell into its usual sneer at the mention of enjoying anything.

“I suppose so.” Kylo pulled at his tie, trying to loosen it up some. He felt claustrophobic in this get-up. “Although, I think both of us would enjoy not being surrounded by this many people.”

“What are you proposing, Lord Ren?”

Kylo grabbed Hux’s hand and led him towards the door. As he walked by the bar, he used the Force to summon a full bottle of what looked to be expensive whiskey, of which he hid in his suit jacket. Only after they had exited the room did Kylo let Hux’s hand drop.

“Would it be more convenient to find an empty room here than to head back to the shuttle? I’m sure the beds are more comfortable here than they are there.”

Hux didn’t care one way or another. Almost anything was more comfortable than a metal grate. After a quick scan, Kylo found an empty room towards upper floors, near the opposite end of the hallway. Before they even made it to the room, Kylo had loosened the tie around his neck and breathed freely for the first time that night.

Upon entering the room, Hux perched himself on the foot of the bed while Kylo practically jumped onto the bed. Hux pulled off his jacket and hung it over the back of a chair. Kylo brought the open whiskey bottle to his lips and took a shallow drink then tried to pass it to Hux.

“So you’re not completely useless after all,” Hux said with a smirk before taking a long swig. They stayed silent for a while, just drinking and letting the warmth of the alcohol spread into their systems. Kylo was honestly surprised Hux could handle as much as he could. He was easily throwing it back faster than Kylo was and his speech had barely started to slur when the bottle was half empty.

“Hey, Hux?” Kylo was laying on his back across the width of the bed with his feet planted on the floor. 

“Yeah?”

Kylo stayed quiet as he thought about how to ask. “Are you happy?” he settled on.

Hux quickly sat up to give Kylo an incredulous look. “Happy?”

“Yeah, that feeling that usually means you’re doing something right.”

“I mean, I do a lot of things right.” Hux laid back down. “But happiness really doesn’t factor in.”

“So, are you sad?” Kylo cringed at how childish he sounded.

“No,” Hux’s voice sounded unsure. “Why would it matter?”

“It doesn’t. Drunken rambling, I suppose.” Kylo waited a little bit longer while Hux drank more. When Hux actually smiled, Kylo came to the conclusion that he was absolutely smashed and took the bottle away.

“Who was he?” Kylo asked in the softest voice he could manage. It came out sounding pretty gruff.

“Who was who?”

“The sandy haired boy, the one you fell in love with.”

Hux stayed silent for a few moments. He forced himself to take a deep breath before he spoke, trying to keep his voice even. It sounded as if he had practiced saying over and over again, “No one of importance. He was simply a friend who became too careless.”

“Hux, you may not realize, but when I see memories, I feel as you did at that time. That’s why it can be emotionally draining at times. I don’t care that you fell in love. I care that it’s still bothering you now. I don’t want it to become a problem,” Kylo used as an explanation. Mostly he was curious about the boy that could make _Hux_ fall in love and actually feel such elation.

“I wasn’t in love,” Hux found himself whispering.

“Hux,” Kylo said in exasperation, “you absolute dolt. That was love. I don’t know if you really didn’t recognize it, or are trying to lie to yourself, but that was…” Kylo let his voice drift off to nothing before he said ‘the best, purest love I’ve ever witnessed.’

Hux had turned onto his side with his back to Kylo. “I…know,” Hux conceded reluctantly. “I shouldn’t have,” he immediately added in such a defensive tone. “I really, really shouldn’t have.”

“What was his name?”

“Sirian.”

“What was he like?” Kylo was sure Hux would have left if he could have thought properly. If Hux hadn’t been so full of liquor, he absolutely wouldn’t have stayed to have this conversation. He’d accuse Kylo of being too friendly or being too nosy.

“Too sweet for this cruel world,” Hux laughed a bitter, sarcastic laugh. “He was always the opportunist. He would look at the best of any circumstance he was given. He knew how to make things work. He believed he’d be okay as long as—as he kept breathing.” Hux breathed out with a shudder.

“How did he die?” Kylo asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“He was stationed with me. The objective had been simple, no one expected any problems. So, naturally, complications arose.” Hux stopped for a long moment. Kylo was just about to ask another question when Hux continued. “He was captured by the Resistance and slaughtered.”

“You saw,” Kylo didn’t phrase it as a question. He had witnessed this memory in all its graphic glory. He felt the need to comfort the trembling general beside him. Hesitantly, he put his hand on Hux’s upper arm and squeezed lightly. Hux sat up quickly, pushing Kylo’s hand away, and put his head into his hands. He rubbed his face for a second and exhaled sharply.

“He was your family,” Kylo said softly as he sat up next to Hux.

“No,” Hux said adamantly. “He was better than my family.”

“Understandable.” Kylo nodded. Hux glanced up at Kylo’s eyes before dropping back to the floor.

“Were you happy with your family?”

Kylo snorted. “Sure. I loved having a smuggler as my father and a politician as a mother. It was marvelous being by myself as a child, isolated because it was too dangerous for Ben Solo to be in public.” Kylo spoke his old name with a sneer.

“Was there anyone there for you?” Hux found himself asking.

“The Supreme Leader was.”

“Oh.” It was the only word Hux could manage.

“At least, he was there more than either of my parents. But that isolation has made me strong,” Kylo repeated what he had told himself many times over the years. ‘Pain, isolation, hatred. All will lead to strength. I will be the strongest Force-user there has ever been.’

“I’m sorr—“

“Don’t apologize,” Kylo said curtly.

Hux nodded silently.

“Are you tired?” His voice had returned to the softer tone.

“Yeah.”

“You can take the bed. There’s no way you’d be able to walk back to the shuttle and I’m not leaving you alone so you can drown in your own drunken vomit.”

“The bed is big enough for both of us,” Hux insisted on a whim.

“Hux, you’re drunk.”

He shrugged. “So?”

“So, you would never suggest something like that if you were sober.”

“Fine. Then it’s your choice.” Hux stripped down to his slacks and undershirt. Kylo removed the clips in his hair and tie but left his shirt on with a couple of the buttons undone. Hux turned his back to Kylo again, choosing to lay on his side instead of his back. Kylo laid down as far to the other side as he could. He still felt awake, but kept still to allow Hux to sleep. He was used to being awake at night so he focused on his breathing and decided to meditate while he waited for sleep to overtake him.

As he slipped into his meditative state, he felt Hux’s emotions rolling off of him in waves. Usually Hux was a little more conserved with his emotions, but it seemed the alcohol had lowered that front as well. He felt slight waves of happiness, love, and lust from his earlier memories. These were followed by that same feeling of heartache and longing. Ren calmed his own emotions and tried to settle Hux’s before pulling out of his meditative state. These feelings only got stronger.

He began to feel Hux shifting in his sleep. His soft whimper encouraged Kylo to lay a hand on his upper arm again. He ran his hand slowly up and down the length of Hux’s upper arm. This was definitely in new territory; Kylo wasn’t used to comforting people. Even so, he moved his hand to Hux’s back and rubbed large, slow circles like he had remembered seeing Sirian do to Hux in a memory. It took a little bit, but eventually Hux’s breathing evened out and the soft noises of distress stopped. Only then did Kylo pull the blanket up further over Hux. It was awkward, but Kylo put his arm over Hux’s chest in attempts to keep him calm. As Kylo drifted off, he gave up trying to keep his body away from Hux’s back and relaxed against him.

 

_And you been gone so long I forgot what you feel like_

 

Hux woke up to tear-stained cheeks and a killer headache. He felt surprisingly well-rested, but the hangover didn’t allow him to revel in it. He remembered everything that had happened by the time he got out of the fresher and pulled on his shirt.

Kylo remained in bed, under the covers, while Hux sat at the desk. Hux couldn’t help but glance at the man-child he had shared the bed with. He looked so peaceful, so young and inexperienced when he slept, but Hux wasn’t fooled. He was maybe a couple years younger than Hux and had much more power. He looked so alone in that large bed by himself.

Hux had put Sirian so far out of his mind. It had been about ten standard years since he was killed, when Hux was still a pretty low military rank. He barely remembered his face or his touch until Kylo dredged up the past. The physical ache in his chest was back and Hux was finding it more difficult to push it back down. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw the soft smile, he heard the sweet, musical laugh, felt the gentle caresses, smelled that stupid cologne Hux couldn’t stand but Sirian loved. It was fresh in his mind again and Hux hated every second of it. Wasn’t it bad enough he had to forget Sirian once? Why was a higher power forcing him to do it again?

He was so lost in his memories; he didn’t notice Kylo’s large brown eyes watching him from under the covers. “I can make you forget again. If you really want me to,” Kylo spoke softly, jolting Hux out of his head.

“Will it hurt as bad as it did bringing it back up?” Hux cringed as his voice broke from lack of use.

“No.”

“Then do it,” Hux said firmly. He couldn’t be his best when he was stuck in the past. He wasn’t sure he had the strength to forget Sirian again. It was too tempting to let himself stay in that place forever, remembering the love of his lost partner.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Hux’s voice broke again and he gritted his teeth against the threat of tears. He wasn’t this weak. He would not cry like a child.

Kylo got up, stretched, then walked over to Hux, stopping in front of him. When Kylo reached out, Hux flinched back, but Kylo had already rested his hand on Hux’s neck with his thumb pressed against Hux’s cheek and his fingers curled around into the soft hairs on the back of Hux’s neck, holding him in place.

He felt the turmoil in Hux’s mind. The emotions he usually hid so well were brewing and running rampant around in his head. Kylo found the source of these emotions, the memory of the sandy-haired, brown-eyed boy, and pushed it back under the hatred and proud feelings. He heard Hux cry out softly and lean forward to press his head against Kylo’s abdomen. Kylo brought his other hand to the other side of Hux’s head and simply held him there. After a few light strokes of his hair, Hux leaned back and sat up straighter. His eyes had returned to that cold, calculated general look he was used to seeing on Hux. Kylo, once again, felt the stifled, controlled emotions contained in Hux’s mind.

“…Thanks,” Hux murmured with a short nod. It seemed so professional after how intimate he had been with Kylo recently.

 

_But I’m not gonna think about that right now_

 

Hux had signed the papers detailing the negotiations between the planet and the First Order. This gave them access to the planet as well as support should anything happen. In return, the First Order would protect this civilization to the best of its ability if they should come under attack for any reason.

Hux and Ren returned to the _Finalizer_ and their daily routines with no mention of what happened planet-side. Hux, however, was having a hard time finding that hatred he used to harbor for Ren. That didn’t stop their sparring matches, but it did make things significantly less interesting. It felt as if both parties were just going through the motions.

He didn’t try to remember Sirian anymore and had no desire to do so. The past was in the past and he was stronger because of it. He had to be stronger because of it.

 

_If you wanna start a fight, you better throw the first punch. Make it a good one_

 

When Kylo decided his failure excused his destruction of the training room they usually used for sparring, Hux felt a spark of that hatred again. When Kylo began tormenting his Stormtroopers again, he felt that spark growing. Little things only added fuel to that fire. The part that sent him over the edge was Kylo undermining his success by showing each and every little flaw that Hux couldn’t control in front of the Supreme Leader. Hux could only stand there, seething.

“I hope you will learn from this, General,” the Supreme Leader said in a neutral tone just before he dismissed them both. Hux walked out with Kylo, posture as straight as ever. He stifled the temptation to grab Kylo’s cowl and pull him close.

“Come spar with me tonight,” Hux demanded.

“Yes, sir.” Although the vocoder hid almost any emotion in his voice, Hux could tell Kylo hadn’t added the formal acknowledgement sincerely.

 

Later that evening, Hux was dressed down in his jodhpurs and undershirt, throwing punch after punch at that face he hated. However, unlike Kylo, his anger made his stances more controlled, every part of him was set exactly how he wanted it. He was more in control this way. It was the only way to combat the feeling of compliancy the Supreme Leader tended to bring about.

That night, Kylo got the best of Hux. While Hux was striking, Kylo dropped and swung a leg to hit the back of Hux’s knees. Hux fell hard with Kylo immediately over top of his abdomen. Hux took a second to stare at the ceiling and catch his breath.

“You can get off any time you like,” Hux said after a few more moments. With how big Kylo was compared to him, there was no way Hux could throw him off.

Kylo fell forward onto his hands and immediately dropped his head to press his lips against Hux’s roughly. Hux’s hand flew up to Kylo’s upper arms but didn’t push him off. The kiss wasn’t unpleasant despite feeling Kylo’s teeth hit his own.

It didn’t take them long before the rest of Kylo’s clothes were lying on the ground around them. Hux, refusing to allow Kylo any control, pushed him onto all fours.

“You are so _fucking obnoxious_ ,” Hux found himself saying with his usual sneer. “You make things so difficult,” Hux continued as he circled the kneeling Knight. When he began to rise to his feet again, Hux demanded loudly, “Stay down. You’re the one who wanted this.”

“Not this,” Kylo said, his eyes dark, but he didn’t move.

“No?” Hux crouched down in front of him and lifted his head by his chin. His face was dusted a light pink and his lips were swollen from the kisses before. For being in such a revealing position and supposedly a position Kylo didn’t want, he looked rather aroused. His erection hadn’t faltered. Hux couldn’t help the light chuckle that left his equally swollen lips.

He stood again, pressing Kylo’s head down as he did so. “Did you think you could kiss me,” Hux said the word with disgust, “and I’d fall into bed with you?” He raised Kylo’s head again with the tip of his boot. “Answer.”

“No.”

“No. Then why did you do it?”

“Lust.”

“Lust? You’re lustful?”

“I am a man.” 

Hux bitterly laughed out at that. “A man, hardly. Most men don’t lust after other men.” Hux watched as Kylo’s cheeks darkened in color. “You didn’t know that.”

“You did,” Kylo hated how vulnerable his voice had sounded.

Hux grabbed a fistful of Kylo’s hair and pulled him up onto his knees. Kylo inhaled sharply at the pain. “You _will not_ speak of him with your vile tongue. Apologize.”

“S-Sorry,” Kylo bit out. Hux dropped withdrew his hand and Kylo dropped back down onto his hands.

“So, all of that was simply because you wanted a dick in your ass?” Hux began circling slowly again.

“Just yours.” Kylo was beginning to understand this. Hux couldn’t do this if he didn’t hate him. He couldn’t care about another person. He couldn’t put himself through that again. Kylo could feel the fear rolling off of Hux in waves. Hux was never afraid. If this is what it took to get through to Hux, he was willing to go through this.

Kylo could hear the soft thumps of Hux’s boots on the padded training room floor. He refused to look up, not until Hux said he could.

“You think just because I let you fix what you broke that night that you love me?”

“It wasn’t that night.”

“Oh, you fell in love with being beaten. All of your failures, that now makes sense. Look at me.”

Kylo raised his head.

“You’re not in love with me.” Hux’s voice was strong and steady, but Kylo knew otherwise underneath that exterior. “Say it.”

“…I’m not in love with you.” If that’s what he needed to hear.

“Are you even capable of loving someone?” Hux sneered. Kylo stayed silent. “You’re so pathetic. You got a taste and now you want more for yourself. That’s why you’re doing this, isn’t it? Well, Ren. Love makes you weak. You merely _think_ you love me and you’re already at my mercy. I could do anything to you. You’re vulnerable. All because of _love_.”

Kylo lowered his head again. These words weren’t hurting him, they were making him pity Hux. If Hux had any idea, he’d surely leave him in a puddle of his own blood.

“Come here.” Hux stopped a few paces in front of Kylo again. Kylo crawled forward and kneeled in front of Hux. “If you want it so badly, I’ll allow it, just this once. But you will do as I say, when I say. Is that understood?”

“Yes.” Kylo glanced up to see Hux looking down at him. He felt Hux’s gloved fingertips ghost along his cheek before he was slapped.

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, General.”

“Good. Get to it. I would like to sleep tonight.” Hux’s stance was no different than when he was on duty. Prim and proper with his hands behind his back gave Ren easy access to untuck Hux’s shirt and pull his waistbands down to his thighs. Kylo wasn’t surprised at Hux’s lack of response. Of course he was in complete control of his body, down to even this. But quickly after Kylo’s lips pressed against heated skin, Hux grew hard.

When Kylo looked up, he saw Hux’s eyes squeezed shut with his lower lip between his teeth. His face still didn’t hold much color, but his ears were a light pink. Kylo couldn’t help reaching out to run his hands along Hux’s torso and backside. Kylo felt a strong wave of that familiar stifled fear as he gently caressed different parts of Hux. When it got to be too much, he sunk his fingertips into the soft flesh of his hips. Hux’s body responded with a short, shallow thrust towards Kylo’s mouth.

With Hux’s fear settled for the moment, Kylo focused on Hux’s pleasure. He lapped at the tip, tonguing the salty head until all he could taste was Hux. As he took Hux back into his mouth, he pressed his tongue flat against the underside of Hux’s cock. When he withdrew, he made sure the tip of his tongue ran along the underside from base to tip. After a few more passes, Hux was pulling Kylo off by his hair. He had removed his gloves in the time it took Kylo to get him hard.

Hux kneeled behind Kylo and placed his palm flat in between his shoulder blades while he stuck his other hand in front of Kylo. He took the hint and took Hux’s index and middle fingers between his lips. When Hux felt they were sufficiently wet, he withdrew them from his mouth. Kylo let himself be pushed into the mat while Hux opened him up efficiently.

Kylo wasn’t new to physical pain. He easily handled the roughness from Hux as he pulled the Knight’s hips towards him to get a better angle. Hux didn’t wait for him to adjust; he just began at a slow pace that had Kylo gripping any part of the mat that he could.

Hux’s fingertips kneaded the Knight’s hips and ass, the pain alternating from that blunt pain to the sharp stinging of a quick slap. Kylo wasn’t quiet or still. He took an active part pushing back against Hux’s quickening thrusts. He didn’t cry out at the slaps; he wouldn’t let Hux win. No, he let off lewd, aroused moans more for Hux’s ears than anything else. The closest he came to crying out was when Hux dug his nails into Kylo’s back. He dragged both hands down the Knight’s muscular back, leaving trails of cut skin that beaded red with blood.

After several moments of watching the blood run down Kylo’s back slowly, Hux pulled Kylo’s body up against his smaller frame. He could feel the Knight’s warm body against him, smothering him, while he reached a hand around to stroke his wet cock. Between their bodies, Hux could feel the warm, wet blood mixing with their perspiration to cause Hux’s front to slide against Kylo’s back. Kylo reveled in the stinging sensation of sweat against the fresh wounds on his back.

Hux’s hand alternated from giving Kylo’s dick quick strokes to tugging somewhat gently on his testicles until Kylo came unceremoniously onto the mat. Hux pushed himself away from his limp body and began putting himself back together. He didn’t have much of an interest finishing with Kylo. He got what he wanted, Hux was free to leave. Kylo didn’t stop him.

 

_And if you wanna make it through the night, you better say my name like the good, the bad, and the dirty_

Hux should have ended it before that happened. He shouldn’t have fucked Kylo. He shouldn’t have had anything to do with Kylo. He absolutely should have ended the sparring matches and cut any ties he could with Kylo after that night.

He was curious, though. His curiosity would be his downfall.

Kylo came to expect more from Hux. He refused to give any more than he had the first night. He wouldn’t allow himself to orgasm with Kylo. He would give Kylo what he asked then leave. He wouldn’t let the Knight get the best of him.

He kept things rough and heavily discouraged Kylo’s gentleness. He’d slap away any light touches. He would talk down to Kylo, physically and emotionally punish him for loving Hux. At first, he was trying to break Kylo of his strong affection. After a while, he realized that wouldn’t work but he was too far gone to care. As long as he didn’t get off, it was fine. He wasn’t attached. He didn’t care.

 

The only reason they ended up in Hux’s room that night was because Phasma had her Stormtroopers training at the strangest times. It became difficult for them to find a good time for their matches, especially with how their battles now ended.

Kylo pressed to skip the fighting that night. Hux had to agree, it was unsafe to do so, even in his sparsely decorated room. He directed Kylo to his bed before he could try to kiss Hux. Ren did as he was told; stripped and kneeled on Hux’s bed, Hux began their usual routine. He was obedient as ever.

“You’re always so quiet, General,” Kylo murmured softly as he nuzzled up to the front of Hux’s pants.

“You’re not that good,” Hux said with a slight smirk.

Kylo knew it was a complete lie, having heard most of Hux’s thoughts on the matter. He simply chuckled.

“Maybe if you allowed me to try and please you another way, sir,” Kylo murmured in the same tone after some time.

“No,” Hux answered quickly.

“Just for tonight,” Kylo continued prodding with that sweet, low voice while his hands wandered up into Hux’s uniform. “I promise not to make a habit out of it.” Kylo chuckled lightly again while he pressed kisses up his partner’s abdomen. Hux wanted to stop him, but allowed him to continue. When Kylo took one of his nipples between his teeth, his breath hitched softly. Kylo, expecting to be pulled off like usual, flinched when he felt Hux’s ungloved hand thread its way through his hair. However, Hux surprised him, allowing him to continue with a swirl of his tongue. He worked the taut skin until he felt both of Hux’s nipples grow erect, along with his cock. He almost smiled.

“Your sensitive there,” Kylo murmured while he began pulling Hux’s jacket open and off. He wasted no time pulling Hux’s undershirt off, something Hux usually didn’t allow. Kylo decided to reward Hux with a slow, wet lick to each nipple.

Hux didn’t bother responding as Kylo’s lips wandered further up to his neck. Between kisses, Hux could feel Kylo’s teeth nipping at the exposed skin.

The Knight, his Knight, had become so eager to please. Hux barely had to punish him, but always found reasons to do it anyways. He readily chanted “I don’t love you” just as religiously as he moaned out “Hux!” All Hux had to do was tell him to do it and he would. That didn’t make it true, he knew. But the illusion was there and that was enough to pleased Hux.

“You’re in a good mood tonight.” Kylo took Hux’s ear between his teeth. The pressure paired with Kylo’s free hand ghosting over the back of his neck made Hux shiver.

“So are you.”

Kylo nuzzled up to Hux briefly, until he felt the grip in his hair tighten, threatening to pull him away. Kylo bit down hard. Hux groaned and pressed his body against Kylo’s pliant body instead.

“Really sensitive there.” Kylo lapped at the thin line of blood from where his tooth had nicked Hux. His hand slid along Hux’s jawline and came to rest with his fingers splayed along Hux’s cheek and his thumb against his soft lips. His other arm wrapped tightly around the general’s lower waist and held him tightly to his body.

Kylo shifted his hand back into Hux’s fiery hair and boldly pressed his lips to his partner’s. His hands kneaded Hux’s neck and cheek while he put everything he had into this kiss. He felt more than heard Hux’s soft moan as Kylo fought to open his mouth. When he felt Hux’s knees fall heavily to the bed, Kylo knew he had won. He kept his body pressed against Hux’s while they sloppily continued kissing.

Hux broke off the kiss first. Kylo thought he would surely be berated for that kiss and his actions. However, when he met Hux’s lustful gaze, pupils blown larger than Kylo was used to seeing and a dark flush on his cheeks, it was all he could do to not throw Hux down on the bed and have his way with him. He felt Hux take his lower lip in between his teeth for a moment before initiating another kiss. It felt just as heated, but less rushed.

Kylo didn’t push his limits. He didn’t want to push Hux too far too fast. But when Hux pulled Kylo’s hands down to his lower back, he took the hint and lowered his hands to hold Hux to him. Between them, his cock pressed up against Hux’s clothed erection.

“General,” Kylo moaned the title against his mouth as if his life depended on it. Kylo was never allowed to kiss Hux on the mouth, not after that first night, nor was he allowed to really touch Hux. Tonight, something seemed different between them. Hux was much more receptive and Kylo very much wanted to take advantage of these circumstances.

“Say it,” Hux demanded in a low growl. He didn’t take his eyes off of Kylo’s lips.

“I don’t love you.” By then, it was reflexive. He barely had to think to make the words leave his mouth. 

“Ren,” Hux murmured softly. Kylo was sure his ears were playing tricks on him. Perhaps, he thought, he just heard Hux through the Force, through his loud thoughts. That wasn’t uncommon. But to hear Hux say his name while they did this dance, _that_ would be a first.

“Again,” Kylo found himself asking. “Say it again.”

Hux pushed Kylo down onto his back while Kylo reached for the waistband of Hux’s pants. Hux slapped his fumbling hands away so he could do it himself. Kylo expected him to do what he normally did and push the waistbands down just far enough for him to get his cock out. This night, however, was full of surprises. Hux stepped off the bed and removed the rest of his clothing so he was just as vulnerable as the Knight on his bed.

Kylo didn’t get much of a chance to get a good look. Hux was back on him, pressing kisses and soft lovebites on his lips and neck. While Hux pressed a leg between Kylo’s, forcing them to open for him, Kylo ran his hands over the newly exposed skin of his general.

He ran his hands along his thighs, abdomen, and back up to his lover’s chest, where he began rubbing small circles with his thumbs around sensitive nipples. Hux thrust up against him, moaning once again into Kylo’s mouth.

_‘Harder.’_ Kylo had no qualms against indulging the general’s unspoken desires. His usual quiet disposition was shattered again as he groaned in response to Kylo’s pinching. The sounds he was trying to repress were becoming addictive to Kylo.

“Fuck me, General,” Kylo broke off the kiss to murmur in the voice he knew Hux loved. His legs slid up along Hux’s sides. He pushed Kylo into the bed as he scrambled to reach the small bottle of lube in his drawer. Kylo started pressing soft kisses along Hux’s jaw and neck.

With a generous amount of lubricant, Hux slid two fingers into Kylo’s warm body. It felt so much better with actual lubricant instead of saliva. Kylo could deal with the pain, usually, but to have Hux’s fingers slip so easily inside of him, he was absolutely keening. Hux used his forearm to push both of Kylo’s legs up against his chest while he slipped his fingers in and out slowly. It didn’t take him long at this angle to find the exact way to hook his fingers to get Ren to tremble. Hux took his sweet time in preparing Kylo, driving him slowly mad from the sensation of his fingers alone. By the time Hux had had his fill, Kylo was back to chanting his name.

Hux slid his hands up Kylo’s thick thighs to his hips and pulled him closer so he was in Hux’s lap. Kylo definitely wasn’t used to actually seeing Hux’s face while he fucked him. Hux, as if trying not to think about it, focused more on watching his cock slide easily into Kylo’s heat. After a few good thrusts, Kylo reached up to wrap his arms around Hux’s neck, hoping to pull him down into a kiss again. 

Hux had a different idea. With a groan of exertion, he pulled Kylo up so he was sitting in Hux’s lap rather than laying on his back. From this position, Kylo had to bow his head to press his lips against Hux’s.

Kylo fooled himself into thinking they had a healthy relationship, that they actually loved one another. He touched Hux as gently as he pleased while Hux thrust up into him. He watched as closely as he liked, watching emotions play across Hux’s features like a holovid.

As Hux’s thrusts slowed down and his breathing grew hard, Kylo pushed him down against the mattress. With some slight shifting, Kylo was able to ride Hux’s cock just as eagerly as he did anything else regarding Hux. He wanted to prove to Hux he could please him. He wanted Hux to believe he didn’t always have to be in control. To have Ren on top of him was unheard of. To be this vulnerable, Kylo heard the warning bells going off in Hux’s mind. However, when his body clenched around Hux’s cock, all caution was thrown to the wind. His hands gripped Kylo’s hips so hard, he felt bruises forming. It only spurred him on more.

“Oh, General, you feel so _good_ ,” Kylo threw his head back and groaned loudly. Unlike the training room, it wasn’t likely that anyone could hear them. Even if anyone else were to be in the hallway, the officers’ rooms tended to be mostly soundproof.

Kylo was able to last longer than usual due to being able to control the speed at which he rode Hux. He usually didn’t get a choice in the matter and Hux always went for an efficient end for Ren. He was enjoying how Hux reacted to each swirl of his hips, to each clench around his cock, to the noises Kylo was making. He watched the flush move from his ears to his cheeks to his chest. He wanted to make Hux lose himself completely.

Kylo was beginning to think it would be impossible. He felt his impending orgasm building as he slowly brought himself up and quickly brought his hips down against Hux. A few more brushes against his prostate and he was done for. Lucky for him, Hux was just as close.

“F-Fuck,” Kylo whimpered as he brought himself down again. Hux dug his fingertips into Kylo’s thighs. His eyes squeezed shut as he tried to stave off his orgasm. Kylo put all he had into the next couple of passes while he stroked himself until he was painting Hux’s chest with strips of white.

_“Kylo!”_ Hux cried out as his orgasm was ripped from his body. Kylo rode out his climax with a grin on his face as he was filled. “You absolute _fucker!_ Pfassk!” Hux kept griping. Kylo stilled and reveled in Hux’s aftershocks before he collapsed onto his back next to his lover.

“You should say my name like that more often,” Kylo said with a giddy laugh. “You sound utterly ravished.”

Hux looked over, his chest still rising and falling as he panted. “I loathe you.”

Kylo planted a kiss on Hux’s cheek. “I know.”

 

_There’s only two ways that these things can go; good or bad_

 

Once again, Hux was faced with the decision that he _shouldn’t, under any circumstances, no matter how fucking great he felt_ , meet up with Ren alone.

Once again, Hux disregarded logic and didn’t end the meetings.

He tried to return to the set-up they had before, where Ren would bend over for him and he would fuck him until Ren came then leave. He wouldn’t let Ren touch him or be any more intimate than he was comfortable with. But they had crossed a line that night and there was no going back without ending it with Ren.

“We can’t keep doing this. We can’t keep doing this. We definitely cannot keep doing this,” Hux repeated to himself out loud in his room. He was alone in his bed after Ren had left early that morning. Hux groaned and put his head between his knees in defeat. “We cannot _not_ keep doing this.”

Hux quit asking Ren to say he didn’t love him. His mouth may say the words willingly but the look in his eyes told a different story. He fell in love with Hux and Hux wasn’t sure he was too far behind him. He had been feeling that familiar sensation in his stomach and chest. Of course his dopamine levels responded to Ren. Of course he felt attachment to his lover. It was only natural he fell in love with the person he shared his bed with. Logically, he knew that. That didn’t mean he had to like it.

 

_And how was I to know that all your friends won’t hold any grudges. I got the final judgment_

 

Naturally, Hux wanted to keep their relationship a secret. Naturally, officers began discovering and gossiping about their relationship. Ren just wasn’t in it when he quipped back at Hux. When Hux started in on him about his failures, somehow, they ended up fucking in a supply closet.

No one was surprised when Phasma took one for the team and confronted them about it.

“You’re causing uproar with the ‘troopers. Everyone knows you’re together,” she mentioned to Hux while they had lunch in the cafeteria. “Just own up to it and be done with it.”

“I am _not_ —“

“General, I hate to disagree with you, but it’s obvious. Lord Ren isn’t very quiet.”

“He told you?” Hux sighed. Of course, Ren had said something to Phasma.

“Not in so many words,” Phasma stifled a giggle. Some of her Stormtroopers had the displeasure of walking by one of those supply closets after Hux had reprimanded Kylo for his failure in retrieving the BB unit on Jakku. “Sir, if I may? No one cares what you and Ren get up to in your free time. Just do us all a favor and try to keep it contained to your rooms. I don’t want to keep sending ‘troopers for reconditioning because they stumble upon you guys in a supply closet. If you love him, you love him, for some reason.” She gave Hux a look of disbelief before giving him a bit of a smile.

“I don’t love him,” Hux argued quietly. Phasma had already gotten up and walked away by the time he found his voice to voice his opinion.

 

_I’m gonna keep getting underneath you and all our friends want us to fall in love_

 

“I don’t think he’ll mind,” Kylo said softly from his place next to Hux. He had given in and found Kylo spending almost every night in his room now. He didn’t particularly mind sharing his bed with the man; it surprised him.

“What are you on about now?” Hux didn’t look up from his datapad.

“Sirian.”

Hux set the datapad down and gave Ren his full attention at the mention of his former lover.

“I don’t think… I think he’d be happy that you moved on.”

“Ren, I don’t want to talk about this. Ever.”

“You think about him occasionally. You wonder if it’s right, being with someone else.”

“He’s been gone a long time.”

“Yes. But you still worry. You can love more than one person in a lifetime.”

“How would you know?” Hux snapped.

Kylo shrugged. “I suppose I wouldn’t.” He stayed silent so long, Hux had thought he had fallen asleep. He moved the datapad to his bedside table; any effort at work would be useless at this point.

_‘I won’t leave you. Not without a fight. I’d come crawling back if it meant seeing you again.’_ Kylo used the Force to tell him. The slight pressure in Hux’s mind was comforting, like Kylo was embracing every aspect of him, or his voice was. _‘I won’t leave you all alone again. I promise.’_

**Author's Note:**

> If you managed to finish all that BS, I'm proud of you. If you're lookin' for more Kylux stuff, you can usually find a bunch of reblogged stuff on my tumblr: ShinigamiAnateria. Feel free to shoot me a message or something, I'm usually pretty good about answering back pretty quickly


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